Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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