I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
