Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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