god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize