There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
