Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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