Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
