I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
