A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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