just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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