gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
