Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she told me i tasted like america
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
