I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Vodka?
Forever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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