alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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