My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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