I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize