Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
