Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
