I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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