you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
