it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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