I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
