didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
