please come you make the beer taste better
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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