Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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