Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
