i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
