hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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