I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
