so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
