Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
