In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
