She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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