I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My pussy is not your playground.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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