you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Randomize
