That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
