I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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