her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
