No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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