Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
