it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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