She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
