make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
