The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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