Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
