I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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