did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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