my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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