your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
