Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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