Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
