So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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