We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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