my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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