pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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