I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
