I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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