Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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