Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
