Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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