I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There are leaves in my underwear?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
