Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
