Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize