Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
