my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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