i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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