Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am naked and annoyed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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