i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
