Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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