How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
