i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
