Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
