there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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